Ode to Flannel Sheets “Beauty is truth, truth beauty,” And beauty occureth not without a good night’s sleep. Therefore without sleep, there is no truth, Only a jumble of undercaffeinated syllables. Percale will do, […]
I’m not a huge fan of scary things. Probably because my day to day life is scary enough. As a lawyer, I’m one of the first people that gets a call when someone dies, I’m […]
“If you could have any superpower, what would it be?” Of course, I’m not going to get a superpower any time soon, but it’s an interesting question to contemplate. My first thought when presented with […]
The biggest problem with cleaning your house beyond a swipe with a paper towel is that you realize the level of filth you’ve been living in. There was a stain on my carpet. The stain […]
If you’ve been watching the news lately, or even been trying to avoid it, or occasionally taking a gander at Facebook or Twitter or your social media of choice, or at the very least been […]
I have absolutely no idea how I birthed a girl who is so cool that, while she might have asked me what the homework was or to borrow a pencil in high school, she would […]
It had to be 1982, which would have made me 12, when my parents went off, perfumed, cologned, and dressed up, to their 20th high school reunion. They came back later that evening in a […]
I got off the plane, and the smell hit me in the face with the force of a Mike Tyson punch. There was garlic there in large measure, and jet fuel – sure, it was […]
Being in possession of a human-type body like I am, there is some routine maintenance that needs to be done. Most of that maintenance is not particularly pleasant. It can be invasive, uncomfortable, or downright […]
For reasons I do not care to get into right now (though trust me, everyone is fine now) I have spent a lot of time in hospital waiting rooms lately. These are odd little microcosms […]
I have this absolutely non-humorous, borderline boring, slightly academic theory on humor, which is that laughter is the pinnacle of mindfulness. That is, when you are laughing, you are entirely in the moment in which […]
The month of June is known in the United States for many things, among them, the fact that it has been designated Pride Month, to commemorate the Stonewall Riots in NYC in June of 1969. […]
If you find yourself heading to Atlanta and you post something on social media like, “Going to the ATL – where should I eat?” 9,999 out of 10,000 people who reply will tell you to […]
My Dad is in the hospital. This, naturally, is cause for alarm, and I worry. My parents live 600 miles away from me, so it isn’t so easy for me to just go and check […]
For years now, I’ve been writing these columns and you’ve been hearing a lot of things I’ve had to say. I am not sure I will ever run out of rants. My opinions have changed […]
I have a superpower. I can take ordinary grocery items, like lettuce and milk and Little Debbie Snack Cakes, and turn them into pounds and pounds of pollen-induced mucus. I can do this without, apparently, […]
On April 6, 2018, just a few days from when I am typing this, my parents will have been married for fifty years. Yup, their golden anniversary has arrived. There are a number of miracles […]
I’m having to sleep train my teenage daughter. You remember sleep training, don’t you? When your sweet precious angel baby was six months old and you thought if you didn’t get three whole hours of […]
I am a big fan of indoor plumbing. I am NOT a fan of indoor plunging. There is nothing more gag-producing than jamming a wood-and-rubber plunger into a poo filled toilet and slurping it up […]
I have always looked like I came from Russian peasant stock. I have a face that looks like it was carved from a potato. My broad shoulders were designed for swinging a pickaxe through Siberian […]
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